I have a bone to pick with Eric Scheske. Right HERE.
The original article he references is HERE. And it’s ugly. A taste:
The trouble for a mother like me is that not being completely and utterly enthralled with, dedicated to and obsessed with one’s children is a secret guarded, if not until death, then until someone else confesses first. When I mentioned this article to my friend Catherine Fairweather, travel editor of Harpers & Queen, the relief on her face was instant.
For years she’s listened to her friends proselytising on the sublime act of mothering. ‘But no one ever told me how boring it is,’ she moaned.
When I brought it up at lunch yesterday, my friend June, a stay-at-home mother of three young children, admitted that ‘children are mind-numbingly boring’ and the act of being with them all day and night is responsible for many mental breakdowns. ‘Looking after children makes women depressed,’ she concluded.
That is wrong - deeply and profoundly wrong. Looking after children does not make women depressed. Looking after children when you think you’re rather be doing something more “meaningful” makes women depressed. If you are not really committed to what you’re doing, anything will be boring. That’s not just true of parenting, it’s true of life in general.
And so is Eric’s response wrong, in my opinion - though probably not deeply and profoundly so. In fact, maybe it’s just a matter of approach. He seems to say: “So? Everyone with lots of kids knows that. But we move past it.”
And I’d like to say that we don’t know it. We don’t know it because it’s not true - so, there’s nothing to move past.
Scheske, who dearly loves Chesterton, should know that. To put it in GKC-speak: my kids’ boring activities are not boring to me because my kids are not bored by them. And that’s fascinating to me. Straight from The Ethics of Elfland, I think. The sun comes up every day at exactly the same time. And yet, a child is excited about it every time. Heck, we should be excited by it. And if we properly understood that, we would never, ever be bored. By anything.
But perhaps I’m not understanding his point. Is he saying that the actions are actually boring? Or just that we jaded, post-modern parents have come to see them as boring? Because the first is an agreement with “Ms. Hyphenated Last Name.” And the second is turning her point on its head.
She says that her kids bore her, and that’s perfectly fine with her. Can Scheske actually be agreeing with that? Maybe what he’s really saying is that kids bore parents, and that’s perfectly not fine. That it’s our fault, and a fact that it must be struggled against.
Could that bewhat the exercise example is for? Exercise is hard, and we must battle to make ourselves like it. But that’s only because we have allowed ourselves to become flabby. If we were in shape from the beginning, we’d enjoy it from the beginning. And being out of shape is our fault, not the fault of the exercise machine.
Read this way, Scheske is being truly critical of Ms. Hypen. Might my objection boil down to the fact that he seems to be selling the farm for the sake of a little unnecessary agreement? Perhaps he is actually just protecting it in a difference way than I would. I wanted to come out with my guns blazing, and he wanted to make it a teaching opportunity. (Or maybe I was just irrationally irritated by the title and by the “fork” story.)
Still, it’s a very fine line to walk. I think it is far too easy (and far too common) to think of children as burdens. I think Ms. Hypen thinks of her kids as burdens, and thinks of her women friends as slaves to their children’s boring little lives. And I think Eric thinks nothing of the sort. The unexpected sounds of agreement threw me off.
Which means I probably don’t understand what he’s really getting at.